Black Taboos – Is it True Black Women Don’t and White Women Do?


Just last week, I was talking with this Latina lady and out the blue she straight asked me if I was single.  If single means not married, then my answer was “yes.” With no hesitation at all, in a professional setting no less, she proceeded like a Find Our Missing detective and dove in deeper with a more intimate question.  “Do you . . .?!?#*?” Ok, so this column isn’t rated NC-17, but she wanted to know if I and Monica Lewinsky shared any hobbies. Based on my single status she drew her own conclusion and pulled no punches with her theory. She said that’s why I am single and would stay single until I became acquainted with his microphone and learned how to “sing” well. 

Really?!?!!  That got me to thinking…is it true that Black girls don’t and White girls do?   

I had to take this subject up with my besties immediately!   I couldn’t wait to tell them how this chick straight came out of her mouth but more importantly, was there some truth in what she was saying???  It was so obvious that my besties didn’t want to talk about “it.” In fact, they ALL pretty much wrinkled up their nose at the very subject.  Even my more adventurous girlfriends said they “save-it” for special occasions like birthdays or Christmas.  Do ya’ll really think your going to get a man and keep him that way? What’s the deal with this love/hate relationship with oral sex? Trust, if you don’t do it, somebody else will!

I mean if my girls won’t even admit to partaking in “the act” that got me to thinking…who does? Karrine Steffans A/K/A “Superhead,” of course. Listen, there are very few things about Ms. Steffans I’d like to emulate, but clearly this chick is doing something right. I mean she’s so good at it, she made it her middle name. Most importantly, she’s the first Black woman outside of the adult film industry, that I recall, who openly admitted to doing it and enjoying it. 

Despite what your momma told you, this act is not reserved for strippers and EXPLICIT stars.  Being up for going down is not necessarily a bad thing and don’t worry, your man WILL give you points for just trying.

It’s difficult to find hardcore stats on how many Black men love it (all of them) and how many Black women partake.  But in talking to my crew, I don’t know a brother who would turn it down, yet I’m hard pressed to find a Black woman over the age of 30 who admits to performing the act with any pleasure.

“It’s hard to find Black woman who likes to do it” stated *Aaron, a 38-year-old single, professional, Black male.  “I find they have to really be into you and even then they are not too sure about doing that.  I have tried to explain, even coach my female friends but I’m not 100% they enjoy it.  We do them so I’m not sure why they don’t like doing us.”  

Sorry ladies, Aaron is currently off the market. But it wasn’t because his new boo was head over heels in love with doing the do. He admits to not committing for the first year of dating because his partner was not comfortable performing the act. “You asking a man for commitment but you won’t crown his king? You asking a lot” he said.

The study I found supports the taboo that Black girls don’t and White girls do.  The National Center of Biotech Information (NCBI) clearly states that, “Blacks initiated vaginal intercourse at an earlier age than Whites; White women performed oral sex earlier than Black women.” Source

So  we  give up the cookies long before we are performing oral sex while White woman are doing the exact opposite.  I can remember being in high school and hearing stories about Sally servicing the entire football team in the parking lot and thinking how gross!?!!.  We weren’t doing that back then for fear of being labeled but what’s our excuse now? What’s your thought on this? Why are Black women so hesitant? 

Listen up ladies – Did you know that performing this act has actual benefits beyond satisfying your man? Despite the negative perceptions in many cultures, including ours, studies show that it does have major health benefits. Yup, you read that right!  By getting acquainted with your man’s buddy outside of traditional sex you might just save your breasts.

Major news outlets such as CNN and Associated Press (AP) reported that “Women who perform the act of fellatio” to completion at least once a week “may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent” after a North Carolina State University study was released.  Source

In my quest to find sistas willing to talk “it,” I found out it’s about age as well.  For my sistas 30 and under oral sex is not as big a deal as it use to be for several reasons. 

1. Many live in the moment. PERIOD.  

2. They have seen how many celebrity sex tapes?!?!

3. They are not as quick to judge each other as older generations are.

4. Sex, sex and more sex is everywhere and just as my 18 year old niece says, “it’s a whatever.” 


For my more experienced sistas, 30 and up, you could learn a trick or two from the younger generation.  Try something new, if you haven’t already- you might just like it.

What is it about this “act” that has so many of us tongue tied? 

Next time:  Does He Travel Downtown?

* Names have been changed to protect identity

(The views contained herein are solely the views of their respective authors, and do not express the views of TV One. TV One does not take responsibility for their content.)