“I Was Simply the Jumpoff!”


After “Mr. Perfect’s” less than perfect performance in the bedroom I should have left his butt and kept it moving but the view was too nice to throw away just yet.  Deep down inside, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try harder before I totally give up and “Mr. Perfect” was no exception.

The past couple weeks have turned into a couple of months and “Mr. Perfect” and I are moving right along.  We are making strides in the intimacy department and growing closer every day, so I thought.

Then “it” happened.

The event that I thought would never happen to me , DID!  I always thought I was too smart, too clever and had my own bag of tricks to rely on to never get played but in the words of my dear old mom, “never say never.”

My relationship with Mr. Perfect was moving full steam ahead when my bestie *Shawnie called with some interesting breaking news.

Remember a couple of months back when I bumped into “Mr. Perfect” at a party my bestie Shawnie invited me too? Well, one of her co-workers is platonic friends with “Mr. Perfect.”  No big deal right? Wrong. 

Mr. Perfect called the friend that we will refer to as *Lisa and very matter-of-factly asked for her address.  Lisa replied jokingly while trying to figure out why he wanted her address…. “What for? Are You Getting Married?”  And he replied very calmly “yes.” 

When Shawnie broke the news, I couldn’t believe it.  I had been officially BAMBOOZLED! All those months of us living less than 5 miles apart, going to each other’s jobs, houses, hanging out during the day and night and talking on the phone for hours were nothing.  I was simply the jump-off and he was getting married. 

Quickly and rather calmly, I wasted no time in setting my plan of action into motion.  Sorry, but he just wasn’t going to get way with THAT so easily.  I gathered up his clothes that he would so comfortably leave at my place as well as his other crap (toothbrush, cards I received, etc.) and drove over to his place/job.

Yup.  He lived where he worked.  He was an assistant manager for an apartment complex. 

It was the weekend – and that is their busy time.  His job consisted of showing apartments, assisting move-ins, move-outs, etc.  It was a gated community and rather upscale.  He would normally buzz me in but this time I wanted to surprise him.  As I approached the gate a resident that was used to seeing me “visit” let me in (Thanks girlfriend – I owe you one!) 

As luck would have it, the joke was on me (again) and “Mr. Perfect” closed the office early and was nowhere to be found.

I was not coming back to this place ever again so I did what any sister in my state-of-mind would have done.  I left all his sh#t on his apartment door step.  Underwear, socks, t-shirts… toothbrush, etc…. and when I went to leave a note I realized I had NO paper or pen… but I would not be defeated.  Not today!

I got out my RED lipstick and wrote a nice note across his apartment front door.

Congrats on Your Engagement!  I hope you and wifey will be very happy together!


The last to know – *Darling Nikki

Because he lived in a garden-style complex where his unit was located on the end that everybody had to walk past I knew that EVERY neighbor would see it.  This worked out even better than leaving his stuff in the office.  

Sometimes revenge can be so sweet!  I’m not proud of what I did but neither should he.  I am not embarrassed by my actions either.  When you double cross people, you have to be ready to get it back even if that means getting dirty drawers on your door step with a lipstick note across your front door.  

Lesson learned; If the sex is garbage – leave it and HIM alone.

TELL US:  Where you ever the last to know?  What did you do?

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

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