Bedroom Letdowns


I guess I set myself up on this one!  I proceeded with “Mr. Perfect” after finding out on our last date that his dance moves were garbage.  I chalked up his octopus arms and off beat two-step as him simply having too much to drink.

WRONG!  I should have gone with my gut and ran for the door.  

The only thing “perfect” about this encounter was seeing that beautiful piece of eye candy with no clothes on.  Other than that, I could have had a V-8 and been more satisfied!

How could something so “perfect” be so mediocre? 

I don’t know if it was the first time jitters or what? Normally, the first-time is off the hook!  From the beginning foreplay to the middle to the climax at the end, it’s supposed to be exciting enough to keep you coming back for more.   In the words of singer and songwriter Sade, “It’s never as good as the first time.”  Unfortunately, that’s one tune I won’t be singing about “Mr. Perfect.” 

If I’m measuring “Mr. Perfect” based on the first time, I don’t think I’ll be back for seconds.  According to the “rules” I waited a respectable time period which in my opinion has nothing to do with anything!  No time can excuse a lousy first time.  90 days, 90 dates, 9 hours or 9 seconds…it just doesn’t matter when the end result leaves you wishing you stayed at home with your TV and remote control.  

It went down at his place- which for the record was perfect.  His crib looked like a model home.  He could definitely quit his day job and be an interior decorator.  Oh, I forgot, he did tell me that he went to design school after college.  Is this SUSPECT or does he just have great TASTE and lousy bedroom skills?!?  The jury is still out on that one.

I think men score big on ambiance and having a decent crib.  Too often we give men a pass for being a slob or not having a crib at all.  Maybe I was overjoyed that his crib was so inviting that I overlooked his skill set.  But to be honest, sometimes you really can’t knock it until you’ve tried it and I did just that.  I will never comprehend why he would waste high quality thread count sheets on his bedroom foolishness!   He was not a member of the micro crewbut on a scale from 1-10, Mr. Perfect’s score was a mere 4 and he got that for his looks alone.

Maybe I was expecting too much but why shouldn’t I?  I put forth my best effort which he seemed to like but I can’t do it all!  I guess I learned the hard way that you have to bring more than good looks and conversation to the bedroom.  Our chemistry was off the hook but that quickly died on the dance floor.  I should have gone with my gut and kept it moving.

Sometimes a fine man is unattached for a reason and I think I figured this case out quick!  I don’t think I will even have to count this one!