Freaks Come Out at Night

Let’s see… where did I leave off?  Oh, “Mr. Perfect”- A/K/A/ boy wonder that got away in college and as fate would have it came across my path recently.   

The day-time “bonding” has been great but its time to elevate this friendship to night time status, don’t you think?!?  I’m a party girl with glam outfits that need to be seen in their full glory – AT NIGHT.   

Our first evening excursion was dinner and then dancing.  I was looking forward to the dancing part more than anything.  Dancing tells a lot about a man because you can see first hand if your dude is a DUD or not.  If he can’t dance, chances are he can’t screw! 

After a day of pampering, I was ready! I don’t know why guys think that dating is “free” for woman.  It’s anything but! Good grooming doesn’t come cheap even if you do it yourself.  By any means necessary, I wanted to look my best for our first night time adventure. 

When I saw “Mr. Perfect” at my door shining like a brand new penny, I was thinking to myself we don’t have to go out; let’s pretend the evening is over and you’re bringing me back home.  With a smile on my face, I head out the door with my sexiest heels on and figure after a few drinks, I won’t feel any foot pains.

“Mr. Perfect” came thru again with a top notch dinner spot and conversation to match.  What did we talk about? My favorite topics- sex, relationships, and more sex!  Night time dating is different than day time excursions! Our conversations were never so candid.   I wasn’t offended or bothered in the least.  We are grown adults and by now we have had more than enough interaction to get THIS discussion rolling.  

Next stop, the club!  I couldn’t wait to get my work-out on with him via the dance floor.  Coming to the club with your man is a totally different experience then hanging with your girls.  I planned on watching his moves very carefully to see if he had “skills” or not. 

I quickly learned that he could dance alright…NOT!  His moves were awkward as in WACK!  He was trying to do way too much on the dance floor.  With a drink in one hand and me in the other he twisted and squirmed like his shoes were hurting.  He was so off beat I could barely look at him!  I’ve seen toddlers bop with better rhythm.   

He looked like a straight octopus trying to keep up with me, his drink and the music.  He needed at least 8 hands to successfully do what he was trying to do.  His touches were more like grabs and his hands felt more like hooks.  I was praying that his drink would NOT spill on me, my hair or my SHOES.  

“Mr. Perfect’s” hand hooks were everywhere or at least they were trying to be.  I had to back it up to get away from his foolishness!  What song was playing in his head because we were definitely listening to two different tracks!?! He was so off beat I was embarrassed to be seen dancing next to him. What happened to a nice smooth two-step if you can’t dance?  Remember- when in doubt, keep it simple.  

I guess the freaks do come out at night and I don’t mean the kind you want to go home with.  I’m referring to the freaks you run away from.  His sweaty body grinds and grabs were so not cute and no where near sensual. It was down right horrible.  For once, I saw a side of him that I didn’t like.  Did he have one drink too many or was he just too sure of himself? If this was ANY indication of his bedroom skills, I was screwed!  Off beat, no rhythm, no hand coordination…need I say more ladies?

I’m ready to go HOME… ALONE.