How Legit is the Wait and See Rule?


We all have a “time frame” in our mind when we feel it is acceptable to take a relationship to more intimate grounds but how long is too long to wait to give up the goods? This seems to be a favorite topic among females especially but I must admit this is one hard nut to crack (no pun intended). That’s because, there really is no RIGHT or WRONG answer, in my book. That’s like asking… in what time frame do you lose your virginity, get married or have a baby? Everyone’s situation is different which means everybody’s answer will be different. That’s like saying at 16, you will drive and although that is the law, sometimes 16 does not work out in everybody’s favor. 

In my opinion, women really do themselves a dis-service by putting themselves in a box with so many rules, limitations, demands and other foolishness. If we took an honest long look in the mirror at our behavior there might be some real truth as to why so many Black woman aren’t married (those that want to be.). We play head games on ourselves without really giving the relationship the time to blossom on its own. 

I’m not saying give it up to every Tom, Dick and Harry (in our case, every Jerome, DeVaughn and Tyrone) but I think sometimes thinking about it to the point that we are making check list and making calendar count-downs, we are truly killing our love life in the process. 

I think that women should take it on a case-by-case basis. Every relationship is different. I’ve waited 90+ days and the sex was so wack I wish I would have found out SOONER. In other situations, I’ve waited 90 days or more and he still turned out to be a jerk and cheated. I’ve also waited so long that I ended up in the friend box FOREVER. 

My advice is if you want to wait- cool but don’t give him blue balls in the process. He will resent you for it and you might end up a victim of the “hit it and quit it” phenomenon. In many instances, women make a man wait so long that the man has simply lost interest. He plays the game until you give in and then he is missing in action after you have done the deed and you can’t figure out why because he was such a gentleman! LOL!!!! In this case, all that waiting still turned out to be a catastrophe. 

In instances where I let my guard down and didn’t go the full “term,” I found these relationships, rewarding, loving and lasting longer than the brothers that I made wait. I’m just saying. Again, every situation is different. 

A jerk is a jerk is a jerk. Waiting you may find that out sooner but not necessarily so. Waiting does not automatically mean a wedding ring and happy ever after life either. There are no guarantees in love, sex and relationships no matter what your situation. Even the virgin bride has been known to marry a jerk! 

My guy friend *Steve told me that he had sex with his wife on their first date. He said it didn’t make any difference to him. Another male friend, *Edgar, married much earlier and dated his wife in college for months before they had sex and now they are divorced. Again, is there really a UNIVERSAL RULE that applies to everyone’s dating situation? 

I also think that men (and women) are on the BEST behavior in the honeymoon phrase (the first year) so just because he is dazzling you, remember all that glitters is not gold no matter how sooner or later you decide to give up the goods. 

And who said you have to give up the goods AT ALL? I mean, there are people who still wait for marriage You can’t go by others situations, beliefs or experiences. You can only DO YOU! 

Comedian turned relationship expert Steve Harvey made the “90 Day Rule” famous in his New York Times best-selling book “Think Like A Lady, Act Like A Man.” He makes some valid points comparing the “rule” to those of employment and how companies make you wait a period before receiving full benefits. But don’t companies know that employees just like daters are on their best behavior in the beginning as well?!?? 

TELL US: How Long is too Long in Your Book? Should a rule like “90 Days” Take Precedence in The Relationship?