Mailbag Monday: Rekindling a 20 Year-Old Flame

Dear Darling Nikki

As of August 2012 I meet back up with my first love and we have not seen each other in 20 years.  My question is he told me that he has always loved me and he wants to continue that with me.  Should I give him a chance? Yes or no?????


Aletra Rimmer

Dear Ms. Rimmer,

I think you have a common problem but there is NO common answer.  In this day and age with being able to have find lost loves on the internet this happens A LOT but people don’t always divulge the outcome.  Trying to go back to the glory days of "prom" and your younger years may or may not be a DO.

20 years is a LONG time! To really answer your question fairly, I would really need to know WHY the two of you lost touch or broke up 20 YEARS ago and what have you been up to since then?  If the break-up was devastating you really need to ask yourself WHY would you want to go back?  If your answer is simply, “curiosity,” please remember, curiosity killed the cat!  It’s nice to hear from someone that they will “always love you,” but put the 20 years of missed compliments on the shelf for just a minute and ask yourself, WHAT do YOU want out of this?  Do you want to just catch up as friends…to fall in love again…or just have fun and be friends with benefits?

For the record, I’m not one to go back in the past, I am all about moving AHEAD.  My theory is:  HE IS IN THE PAST FOR A REASON.  HE IS AN EX FOR A REASON.  I think that sometimes we do ourselves a dis-service by trying to go back in time and make things right with an ex-love when we should forge ahead and meet new people and have new experiences.

BUT with that said, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to knowing a lot of women (and some men) who have found old loves on Facebook, at class-reunions, etc. and thank their lucky stars for finding each other again.   My very own cousin was in a hapless marriage and found her old sweetheart on Facebook.  They reconnected at a time when she was going thru a crossroads in her marriage.  Her old love encouraged her to work on her marriage and despite her feelings she did and it didn’t work.  She is now back with her old boyfriend and the happiest I have seen her in years.  So who am I to say, don’t reconnect?

I would advise to go in to it lightly.  Don’t expect the same fireworks you had 20 years ago and if they are STILL there, then listen to them…carefully.  Are you married? Is he married?  Are either of you in a committed relationship?  If you are BOTH single then I would say HAVE FUN but if someone is locked down (and they probably are) I would say tread lightly because someone normally gets hurt at the end.

Keep us posted!

Darling Nikki

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TELL US:  Do You Think It’s a Good Idea to ReKindle a 20-Year Old Ex Flame? Why or Why Not?