Monday Mailbag: Large & Lovely Looking For Love

Darling Nikki,

I’m a single intelligent professional BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN (BBW) with no kids who has gotten frustrated about dating period. A lot of men appear to be so superficial, I know one is entitled to their preference, however I’m a wonderful black woman with a big heart and I’m down to earth and feel like I’m a great catch. I have tried the online dating even though I wasn’t really feeling it but it’s beneficial for a busy professional such as myself.   Am I doomed to be single just because of my weight? I’m working on it for myself, but I want a male to except me for who I am and not a man that is simply looking for a super model.  Men are always stating they want a good woman but most of the time a good one is right under their nose but if you are not the right size, you’re overlooked.


Large & Lovely Diva

Dear Large & Lovely Diva,

Your letter speaks VOLUMES and is SO ON POINT!!!!!!!!!!  I know A LOT of large and lovely sisters out here feel the same way so I definitely had to weigh in—no pun intended.

It’s hard for ALL sisters out here because if it’s not your size it’s SOMETHING else like your skin color, your height or even your hair.  We live in a VERY critical society whether people want to admit it or not.

What kill’s me is the men that want a model chick on their arm, are NO Denzel Washington model types themselves…NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!  But what is a sister to do!?  Why is it that they can make all of these demands or at least try when we are settling for a spare tire aka a beer belly and a receding hairline and they want a size 2 lady with hair down her back.

I truly believe the “large & lovely diva” that penned this letter is all that she says she is and MORE – beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, loving and a GREAT catch.  And NO, she is NOT doomed to be single just because of her weight.  True, “large & lovely diva” might have to look harder than the size six gal because some (not all) men are superficial but that is not the man for you!  Run from him QUICK and don’t look back!

Ladies – Don’t believe the hype!  I know he wants you to look like “Mrs. Carter,” who was sashaying around three short months after the arrival of her baby girl Blue Ivy and her body never looked better but that’s not real life.  Don’t get your day-to-day twisted with theirs.  They have chiefs, nutritionist and personal trainers and you probably have an 8-12 hour a day job before you hit the gym and figure out what’s for dinner.  #RealTalk

Here’s some food for thought; according to a NY Times article entitled “Plus Size Wars,” the most frequently worn women’s size in America is a 14.   Government statistics show that 64 percent of American women are overweight (the average woman weighs 164.7 pounds), so with that said, there are more “large and  lovely divas” running around then skinny model chicks.

Size is such an ugly monster but it doesn’t have to be.   Do you and stop comparing dress sizes!!!!  Size 14 ladies want to be a size 10 and size 6 chicks want to be a 2.  In the meantime you have to learn to be comfortable in the skin you’re in and if he doesn’t appreciate that then he is NOT the man for you.   Can you say NEXT! 

I would advise that if online dating has worked out for you in the past with your busy schedule, I would keep at it.  If you are insecure about your size or frustrated with the male attitude you have encountered, online dating allows you to present a photo of yourself first and if he is interested he knows from the jump what you look like.  Some men even post “big and beautiful” or “a few extra pounds” on their online wishlist profile.   For the record, there are men that love woman with curves and the more the merrier so DON’T give up on love no matter what your size!

Darling Nikki